—February Newsletter—

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Your kingdom come. Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. For Yours is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory Forever and ever, Amen.

 — Jesus, summer of 69’

Radical acceptance, & LOVE.

Terror, hell, evildoers, alike, total doom, monstrous fates, and nightmares everlasting ALL UNDERSTOOD AS NECESSARY through realization of the Perfection.

Through faith is grace and grace in suffering, this to grace in faith, this faith lying so wise so incomprehensibly wise my lucky charm my deep heart my soul It's my soul that knows and is the underlying love! the Truth! somewhere, somewhere I've left and surely I miss but there's no option than to return at all costs this fire flooding my human body my individual mind and ego my life my breath I am, bursting with the air of my soul, the mercy, the complete love and knowing for all and all. 

I know the drastic difference between heaven and hell, and I know they are places places just alike this here and now on me and loren's bed lying on my chest and tummy legs straight and chest resting on my stuffed avocado plushy who has an eternal jovial nature joking at and with you who we call Abu, (Abucado), the starkness of a reality in which I have to do the ultimate sacrifice and submit myself to the ultimate pain and the knowing that that may not be in this world but life's beyond or behind, but nonetheless I'm here, our world really quite simple in comparison to the visions of man, these things I've seen and felt, the remembering I have remembered and remembering the realization leading to an immediate letting go of know, Knowing is the job of God, I am here to live, in dreams I've bathed under water fall of eternal mother showing me the infinite, seeing and being and absent that gushing waterfall and her and mine own angelic form above it blue and white, and me, me watching too across the abyss, bawling my eyes out in complete joy and thankfulness complete joy my tears are the gushing waterfall too, endless infinity the most beautiful promise I'd ever been given even now I tear up writing of this dream, the looking up into the sky that march day outside of Montreal, everything goes still in complete movement I'm in step with the birds as I crane my neck I'm breathing in and out at the same time in awe of this world, I love this world, I do. 

I love this world, & so do you.

What I been thinking about?

My friends who I miss dearly.. 

Yes I miss my friends dearly those years in salt lake were something else hanging out with big ass friend group having fun 3 nights a week and doing fun shit on the other days too and traveling and stuff. 

I’m mad grateful like how many ppl get anything like that.

        Surely not the people dying. Definitely not the kids not the dismembered kids nor the raped kids no they don’t get me and my friends unconscious wandering through excitement drunk on life and also alcohol, no, what do they get? Who knows. What did the people of Vietnam, and their chuldren( grand children, Great grandchildren get from this great American lie the idea of its savior complex so fucking pseudo even at our best?

         Can you show me points America has done real good for other countries, and how many times for its own people? It’s people have done some good, but the richest most powerful? What have they done? What have they done?

         Have they coalesced their money and hoarded greedily so that the first rich scared to die dog attempted to immortalize themselves through questionably driven childbirth and no doubt ungodly teachings upon their children which amassed by the many years, over a hundred for most of these MEGA RICH families , if you can even call them a family, need a different word, like a dynasty, the teachings and examples set forth isolating and radicalizing to ideology’s of the world the public eyes doesnt even have access to see?

         I according with biology feel just as many in that money situation would, and man, a great man is aided by the the positive archetypal myth of his life which he himself saw the seed for watered and grew into fruition and the reaping of his life the acknowledgement at the end of it all, all the same but not a weak man may be bound to build an ideology which reinforces walls it’s a castle with a mote, a mote not large and easily crossable by most inhabitants but the largest castles remain un-toppled for many years as we see in the rothchilds family etc,,, these r not people of God.

I DO NOT THINK SO, AND IF THEY ARE, WHAT IN THE HELL ARE THEY DOING? 

         The eschatological framework for all these middle eastern catastrophes these abominable acts coming almost entirely out of Israel’s sick desire to bring about their messiah, who they are currently begging and chanting for to come in public! It’s no secret! This messiah happening to be ISLAM AND CHRISTIANITIES ANTICHRIST??? Whatttt???? Why did no one ever tell me that Islam believes Jesus was the messiah just like the Christian’s ??  What the fuck is a Judeo-Christian if Jews think Jesus was a fake and is burning in shit in hell? are the Frankists in control?

         The Frankists are a sect of Judaism which believe that sin is the highest act of faith and if faith is that God forgives and loves eternally it stands to say the more you sin the greater your faith, the better the man, the image of God.. sounds familiar doesn’t it.. fucked! Free will is NOT an invitation to sin. Sin is going against God. Sin is hell. Why would you seek to be closer to God through further separating yourself through awful deeds? Well perhaps if you believe this world is a fake world, a dream, not real, unimportant, but I tell you, this world is as real as anything, in fact, what’s right here is all that’s real, the only truth we know is the now, and we are all individuals, born free and equal!

         ANYONE WHO SEES SIN AS GOOD NEED PURE HEART LORD SAVE THEM SOMEONE SAVE! THEY WILL BE SAVED ITS NEVER TOO LATE BUT FUCK MEEE! Good thing we got eternity.                                                                    

      W ETERNITY

Hard to believe these evil doers are from the same SOURCE/Godhead as everyone else and are high key just me in different incarnation. Fuck me dude I gotta be better. Yes yes, that. I’ll be better, heads will hop on eventually.

Love love love  

         But ppl are waking up, even ma, who called me crazy for saying this shit a month ago, on phone today acknowledged the unbelievable truths of the evils happening.

keep going!

Rest and relaxation tenements of my time, unemployed no not me I’m unable to let myself relax. You may relate to me as I’m one of many men of flax. 

The Insanity of the inability to choose and trying to do it all. Plaths fig.

When it turns out my quirks are largely chemical causation,  patterns and tendencies turn to ash. With them burnt ill erect a new bridge, this one made entirely for my own two feet. 

No more of that which love me not I don’t want to flatten the highs nor the lows. I’m all about peak experience and the valleys are just as essential. 

TOMORROW NEVER COMES!

The endless wisdom of letting go.

All sorts of things demand to be cast away,

p it like a bandaid!

It’s necessary to grow!

       A good trick for all and any is to just watch all thoughts, know they are not you first and foremost, and know that all thought of past or future is just your ego’s survival mechanism, and. you cannot predict nor prevent what will happen.

     Train yourself to be present and understand the different thoughts which wash over all of us daily. Seek to understand them, but in the present. Hell is to be lost in thought. In the present there is no worry, nothing is wrong, no worry at all. And if there is a problem, we deal with it naturally and without much pain at all. “Nearly all emotional suffering is created by thoughts, interpretation, and resistance to reality.”

       Quit resisting. Resist this moment and life will struggle all the harder. Be like a rock in a stream. Let it all wash over you. Be fully engulfed, but know your true self as the ever-stable rock. As above, so below. As is inside, is outside. Your mind dictates your world. A man truly in touch with this knowledge could be in solitary confinement for life and never curse his fate, exceptions allowed for missing his wife or kids.

       You can propagate events and change your life through active manifestation,  this act will bring success not by lust laden impersonal fantasies, but rather is accomplished through immediate focus the here and now and finding the ground of yourself, then to focus on your object of desire, ideally a genuine desire, ie., “good”. The list of humanities goals & objects of desire vary innumerably, but, no matter what you focus your mind on, such is what you will get. Your thoughts shape your life like no other force. The world forms itself as a servant and mirror to each and every one of our unique perspectives and attitude. Thus, really, it’s as if we live on our great earth and gift it consciousness so it may carry and exist eight billion in count.

       Where will one who’s in their early 20s now will be in 5 years, they who likely lack a desire for all work ‘cept self expression, art, love, and experience, is like asking to see your papa’s vaca pictures when he been working straight since his 15th birthday.

       Try to see the possibilities of this world which lay so far, its true, and so foreign, yes, but try, and you’ll see.. you’'ll see it so irrelevant, as matter of fact it occurs to one that it must be immediately forgotten after that momentary visual abomination and despite forgetting fully it is virtually. impossible to not subconsciously aim is set, how about the now? not to mention five years ago,  which. bear such obvious signs of its trajectory and destination being here and now, how could I have not known it!

      If  you act according to your heart how could anything ever go wrong?

     If you act in love how can there be err?

   Can you bear the weight of existence? Did you choose to be here?

    What do you  want to happen when you die?

     Do u want to keep your ego? 

     Perhaps the after life heaven reuinion friends ever-more?

     Or maybe you rest sun bathing with your beloved in eternity?

        But what is eternity?

    And why would a fragment–HOW could a fragment of the Godhead stay forever apart?

     Maybe there are two yous, well, it seems that way.

       My living being now and my eternal soul find it easy to forget one another, it is heartbreaking when I can’t remember who I really am. But, forgetting enables remembrance, must we be in this place forgotten by our own will, does this change anything if I had an answer? How would my faith change? Would I waver all the more? what must we do? learn? Who shall I become for You, you greater me?

       Essential for all are unified opposites, the smallest blip of being this life as man on earth, separate, nevertheless at base the unknown All. 

       We live and die simultaneous, except in the milli-second behind time itself.. This sweet eruption, the only exception!—you are us with or without us! Blessed it be so uncanny in forever may you rest!

           Purely awake the endless orgasm!

       Thank you always

you enlightened unknowable,

that which constant burst

with Life Life Life!

        All the more opaque is that unknowable place, that lay beyond light and sight of Man…  Final leaves of absence fall gracefully, so too does he detach a leaf from the works and loves for  life, he retires from our vision, but returns to the world clear as night and day, he returns to that which was before he came.

       Earth recycles, man lost to death now home again anew with stories and giddy too, a precious pearl of Mother Nature’s impervious perfection and eternally merciful and Love-laiden  refuge. 

         What's sperm and who's dust?: To shoot even close to something true, one understands the true must true. and truth it may likely lay impeccably, beyond all symbol and sound, so far but really inconceivable? Oh but fuck it, who else shoot but me here now!— I’must be both!?

or neither… fuck!!

—- 😇

Remember? you promised…

Solitairy night I hide so as to seek myself.

I look inside at myself, but how confusing

Ive made myself so confused what am I doing?

This Self outta be somewhere..,

Finally realizing my blindness I am that I see a little more,

I see it’s hints they shine like gems bedazzled encrusted laying all around everywhere but in me!

Frustrated up to the gills I stand indesperate,      saved I cry to thank my grateful savior. The Great Milky Mirror delivers me and fish alike, they all shining, and no whining despite a lack of limbs!- They slither across endless grey-clear sky, and their scales reflect galaxies and now shone bright that sleepy old dark earth, it begin’s to play Earth Memoir of Green, oo scary thought?-music made me let it go gone bye bye Forgot!!

And their Eyes pupils see more and grow smaller still til I see too, a notice, which I follow, and immediately so to be absolute proof of meself eye, I point out, I reach even, right up to the moon.

I think of myself, proof of who? Surrounded alone

due to absence of self I see my own finger and there the moon. You feel me mister moon?

My thoughts cascade my awareness,

ongoing waterfall all snowmelted 1st heat ospring

Can you? Can you feel me? I speak loud now, though none of the fishies nor galaxies hear me.

You don’t see me and my angered glaring eyes? Me weapon one n only,  my sword of sight, pierces! you! I must have for I have swung! I swung! but what did I stab through, me or you!?

I can’t tell but suddenly I’m flying down to floor— pure energy in motion.

But im struck hard.

real hard

           You are Real.

           I'm cast down. 

          Humiliation fixed in  humility. 

          How could I have thought ever?

Possible someway else? No. I learn eventually.

no it could not have been never in all of time any different at all Never have nor will that teaching leave me, the lesson: Crash.

illusion fades and i come back

and I’m on the mountain top.

aware of mine own operation spilt,

right there in front of me,

my personhoods finally finding

unity

and Deep promises sleep deeply.

And soon as I promise to love myself like another as such is the way it seems to me

I’m doing somersaults, for crying out loud! I see myself think to myself, we chuckle as one in our humility.

Tumbling down the mountain in the wise humble magic, ALL primordial is made manifest and Spellborn-again, and now with this magical mystic event perfect in all I remember only that most effortless moment being ball rolling down mount and nothing more nothing less and giving all my weight to fate, now with this on my belt, what’s to say! time seems a coincidence!

im just a jolly rolling sensei~

True affairs of matter constantly suggest. 

No-self never known no-more,

I am free, I-

sit! permanently ablaze..,

A blazing warm rushing,

blanketed undoubtabality, what's fear?

Only in Reverent Contemplation it be.

You’ll meet that which you seek.

Crash tripping smashing into billions of bits the pain never ends, but it does leave me, never more shall I, he, me, myself, Self, except that which kept held, the Key, crushed in rubble finally free, Promise remembered, let’s have tea.

I imagine the terror

Bella’s POV of dying in a car crash, I imagine it again, twice more. I come back to myself and ask in teary eyed fear why I am so drawn to this doom? A possibility any minute any day, it’s a familiar tragedy since early years. It was my mom, now her, Loren, my love, who I love more every second, really truly I do! Why must I imagine this? I’m unable to move. Maybe it’s me who dies in crash!- I think - maybe it’s her pain that I must know! And oh so painful it truly is to see a seemingly meaningless curse upon me, me gone and free but Loren still here and how to get over such a statement? It seems imperatively a message meaning something, but what the fuck could be worth Pierre life. I’m unable to remember the perfection of God the perfection of All and Understanding and Love. I imagine her dying once more, I feel my pain, I’m crying, I imagine if I go to New Hampshire tomorrow, that 300 mile drive, it must be the end of me, I’m foretelling it here now, but that can’t be! What am I to do?! Who is doubting and who is telling truth and where is this awful possibility coming from? What does it mean? I must be greatful. Loren comes to me I’m crying we hug tight I cry into her I sob I feel the pain through. She’s so sweet anything can happen I trust it I trust it I mean look at her I have her here how blessed I am no matter what happens I know it’s okay the truth of us makes all okay even if taken away today! I am with her presently and at peace.

     I wake from this dream and face the meaning and you are looking at me smiling in remembrance. It’s us it’s always been us and we know we are One. And we let go of being It, playing across the stars. Having fun so fast flowing and in breaking I hold you so tight we are exasperated in eachothers deep breathe mine yours yours mine entwined the blood of every generation pump on edge in golden glory each vein. Seeing eachother so still, after such a wild dance, neither of us can help but go empty, and so, completely full with other. Self lost in flow and lover, other, eternal mother, animus of mind brother!— all forgot like a single candle blow complete awe destruction creation simultaneous and time naught fragments infinite we stand and blink and catch our breath both all content no need to even speak of that glorious moment between the eternal lovers. 

Cannot bat an eye.

Waking up in the night I see you before me and just like that I know that I am, this now, ah! sweet safe and one on journey and done complete and happy good here and now, you rest in peace I hold you closer our bodies let go all’s soul is all and one. You make cute noise of love as snuggle buggle wiggles little shakes of comfort tiny and so safe.

Two make no better company.

Greetings Sergeant of War-Fought!

to the Teeth!

Upheld and Lined by Brass!

Polished Bone Worn in  Ivory Pure!

that Reflects the Invisible!

Something akin to Passion!

One and Only Incandescence of the Kind! Like the Mercy of a Rainbow!

Storm!!

the Energy Fossilized now for all Time!

a Mark Made in Matter!

The Intersection of the Line of Time!-

the Place of Now! We Live Forever!

Time passes perfection unseen.

I wait for the moment, surrounded by predicament , but, I’m safe for the moment.

With sun shedding fast I run chasing the scrambled faster and faster I leave it all.

Further now, body sprawled restin’ ‘pon rocks right on Old Great Shallow Pond, big for a pond, no adjacent sides in sight. I’m hungry, it’s snowing now, and I pretend to bake the powder as if cookie dough I called them Christened Rolls and let them melt in my mouth each providing 30 seconds or so of relief each I’m getting thin, no joke, whithering frost is all my bodies got anymore, like winter’s first snow. 

All cold and decrepit hallows on planet earth know that god forsaketh no one.

Hallow my hallowing hallow my plea, please leave some food out for meeee.

We are marked by many such marks

as of this,  so many that only many, not one, may mark us stunned, or leave us in disbelief, memoir of a lost past, denial. The right to write one owns’ journey, long and treacherous the path I stolidly step.

When I know myself I, there’s only thee. Not one nor two nope not even the trinity, think beyond numbers, and you’ll get closer, but don’t fly too close, you know how painful it is to burn. But kurt said, better to burn out than fade away, so maybe ikarus did know the way, maybe he knew and still jus went without a word to no one, his legacy supersedes any discussion of his reputation and life.

Anyways, you ask if I eventually caught,

Held, accosted, harshly scolded, or not?

Likely labelled crazy, caught red hairdoo

spiking midway between trial and error,

and when caught, I simply die. Live free or what? thats our right, mine also. Don’t think though restrained I aint shakem’! fought em off with my bloody heart, act of heart true though disbanded now will never rest in vain.

I hold my tongue and wait., time tells

I wake up and find blood flowing 

Truth Love God

the individual experience

the human experience. 

True freedom.

Imagine the human race free. Conditions don’t matter.

Mind over matter.

Mind is and matter does,

all glorious naturally.  

How can we connect when we all carry these weird secrets since childhoods forest of magic dark?

How do I speak to you without confusing you?

How can we be transparent amidst the endless fog of duality?

I don’t want to trip, I don’t want to get lost, I’m afraid of getting lost, please don’t wander too far, just not too far.. and when we do get lost and bump into eachother atleast alast it’s a celebration.

Reunited we are in that moment, our stars crossed in shared attention.

The density of space without thought

incalculable, fills beyond dimensions.

Space and time cute little kiddie play blocks when suddenly faced with the fullness of being. And this the gentle reminder, this the steering hope, may I guide myself to this light pray chance it be my fate. Faith take me where I’m meant, lead me nay’r astray, and may I remember when I find myself lost that suprise is here to play. Would you live life with knowing of each twisty turn? Even if one could, why one would is a question ob-v-us. When you take life by the assumption of infinite divine, all woes are lifted up, mistakes made asunder, astrological boons in tune I’m amazed not knowing how it’s all strung in wonder.the atom such an intricate ball not even that it’s shapes unknown, rotating electrons protons hold it but without moving even an inch’, like waves they crash constant energy kept by sharing highs and lows. Why would rules change at different scale?

Back to the point of disconnection, how am I to tell you how I feel when I know it’d hurt. Truth can be ugly as they’ve said but it’s truth just the same. Do you tell me what you feel when you’re silent and say you do not know? What is in you bottled up?

Awake and launching rockets

bursting with money profits made

suits sneer and pretend as if they can’t hear

the sheer pitfall drop to fear

nonetheless it grow ever more near

maybe one day their eyes will tear.

The lives they take they mustn’t pay tense

relax relax it’s the way things are,

you will understand one day- NEVER FUCK YOU! 

They look away and know

in every word spoken it’s all me saying I love you,

come home and play, forget this nonsense—

all trouble and err…

What do these people think they’re doing these “leaders of the world”, all I see is leading away away where hearts are dead so heavy lifeless lead.

This writhing lead unlike pencil and pen remain now-due to itself unable, it cannot speak its story nor drive any path its blind as a bat helpless starved ego the king of their world.

All it leads is hell refusal and running running forever untethered in mind and body from God above and even undone from Devil below.

An amalgamation of man

mother Mary

Mother Nature

they frown giving birth but pray with hope,

no sin just trust in all as one

even the unthinkable worst Kkin heaven and in earth. I trust dear father of fathers still.

Still and forever more.

THE PEOPLE!

The people of the world spill across its planes Against weather and not alone in spite Breasts covered in frost by night

run your hands through my hair 

I bite my nails in summer hail

trivialities 

Hot boredom and cold

discomfort where am I

wishing when I flip the coin

Toss and turn push that swallow down-

it doesn’t go through.

satisfaction sly and uncaught,

But I’ve ample time

& all to do is win 

enjoy this while you can,

enjoy me here and now.

Young boys young girls, now thats an idea, innocence, purity!

Our complete lack there of!

Hell, to experience again every sin against self and other, but so many times, and from so many different angles, with each and every drop of empathy and self loathing and desolation possible infused to the max, and beyond too the hell's so deep, unimaginable, likely worse than the worst day of one's life, but life is real, and hell is not. imagine each man's highest fear, each  man's personal hell, a second for man and a billion for the doomed, and there are many many men, and many perspectives.

all I can hope, maybe even one day learn through Love and God to  believe, that these evil men, not anymore capable of touching earth now, "dead", in the After life,  facing what they must endure for their sin on earth and it's reality, and their absolute selfishness and hate may accept what God in his absolute justness will ask (not command) them to do, that they may in divine understanding mercifully and shamefully reap the incarnation sown, acceptingly, with love for God and only God, and serve their duty, their debt, without being forced!- as long as it is to be.